I have been at the O for 3 full days now. I have held babies, sat in on the kids devotions, helped (somewhat) in kindergarden, talked through some of the kids struggles with Angie & Mary Claire, and try to figure out my place here. Part of why this is so hard for me is that I am an intern of Georgia Southern, and no matter what I want to do here or am needed to do, I still have to accomplish my weekly objectives as a Family Services major. You would think that would be easy- I'm working at an orphanage. But apparently making milestone checklists for the children's development and getting to know them well enough to communicate that information to their future adoptive parents is not pleasing my professors in my major. So, I'm learning how to tweak what I do enough to emphasize what GSU wants me to do here- and focus on the importance of this for the adoptive families, while still trying to accomplish something worthwhile at the O. I know, right? Yeah. So that's what's going on logistically.
Emotionally, I don't really know how to adequately describe that either. I haven't called my mom yet, because I know that I will cry. So Mama C, I'll eventually call you, but I'm not ready yet. How am I supposed to feel? I haven't had this HUGE wave of homesickness yet, but I know that it will come. I feel like in my free time I'm on Facebook, craving pictures of our week-trip to La Source this past week. When I'm at the house, we have a lot of fun. Angie's son, Jean Marc, keeps us all entertained. He is adorable. But still everything is new and takes some getting used to. All my meals are cooked for me, and so far my bed has been made every morning, but I don't have the freedom to just drive wherever I want, whenever I want. I can't call up a friend to go out to dinner, or head over to a friend's house just to hang out. It's weird and it's different, but I'm slowly getting used to it. When I'm in the O, sometimes I feel like a mouse. I say this because yesterday, the mouse that has been terrorizing the office decided to show his face. Everyone knew he existed, but it wasn't until we actually saw him that we ran around screaming, like we didn't know what to do with him. Unfortunately, the mouse still lives, but we WILL get him! And so, sometimes I feel like a mouse. When I show my face in the door of the baby room, everyone runs to me. If I pick up a child, the others cry. If I switch babies, the first one cries. And so it goes. If I was a nanny, I would never want me around! I distract the kindergardeners from their lessons, and I don't have the trust of the older girls yet for them to really talk to me. In the office I never really know what to do with myself- part of this is because I've been trying to figure out the child assessments and going back & forth between one-on-one time with a child and writing about it is constant. I'm new, so some of the staff, although very nice and polite, doesn't quite know what to do with me. So I feel like a mouse causing chaos. I say all of that to say, I know that God has placed me here. I felt strongly about that since I made the decision to come here. And I also know that everything I think and feel right now will eventually pass. But right now, I feel like a mouse. And I guess that's not a bad thing, because eventually it will get easier. As God reveals just what it is I am to be doing, I will feel more at peace and be more confident in what I am doing. That is my prayer for right now, and if you are praying for me, please let it be yours too. Peace & Blessings, from PaP.
Here's a video of our attempt to catch Mr. Mouse: